breathing.

changing the aspirations of my dearly departed soul. I only wanted to have the things i viewed in life with you. glowing,  with wisps of illuminate intrinsic light. light and life, thieved out of hands like the recombining of molecules under lenses of our intellect. bribing the chills that we feel when the pricked hair on the nape of my neck is itching to feel something warm again. a tale of the untold abhorrent, of the things we fall in love to fall in depth of something we pushed too far away from our own grasp to call back the avaricious frightened little palm of distant merriweather. come to terms with time and the infatuation of wasting the nights groveling at the dirt underneath your fingernails. chewing on the back of your throat, choking on the words. the worlds offer so much these days. combining the effort with the disdain, as if almost for one second abandoning the thought of ever growing old with the ghost of a soul that once stood beside you in comfort and security, composing every sense of touch and taste to familiarize with the fibers of her woven heart. ripping the seems leaving stitches unsewn. saying good by the last year. and finally saying hello the underlying vast plateau of absolute exasperation. so void. watching your eyes shutter at every fucking wasted though that created a memory in your over sentimental heart. and how it pains, how it bleeds. wishing there was still that faint smile ever fading to what was now the last say in an effortless goodbye. every god damn decision i made was with the eyes of yours on me. watching me. making sure I didn't leave. keeping me in them, like drowning in a lucid dream. cold as the stone I threw. frozen as my own self iced over and over thawing out under the Texas heat. and how nothing keeps you here any longer. but the dream you shared was reason enough to refrain. to let live.do you call back to the times that have drawn you out. like the crimes you committed weren't enough to keep the callous injection from refining itself int he staggering stunt of a a dare i ever did see. only stripping down to my  integrity. and its going faster than most.
whose to deteriorate a soul as  a often times with trembling hands pulling its own phosphorescent threads off each fiber.  the moon is down.. goodbye.

Fate of our endless days..

categorizing the criteria of my abbreviations. aggravations, affluent of the incantations of what was when, when I'm merely 9 days away from the things i've wanted to promise her. unable to feed the weight in my pocket to sacrifice a gem for a gem. apprehension, people in pursuit.. wavering under the quake of the unstable ground we bury our feet in, never touching the bottom. slipping in an out of your memories, like a static wisp of luminous waves intertwining the fibers of synapses callously calling out the acronyms of your name. brash, and bold in how confident you confide in the arms of your lover. every grain of grit you let fall under your fingernails are lightly skewn' off, showing the tips of you're identity. and she knows them so well. cross-legged with smoke in your mouth exhaling the only thing that feels good between your clenched teeth.
it's all or nothing now. They'll never catch us now..

The servant notice, of his last and final

the levity of the chance that it was going to reoccur. you saw the world through her eyes. and what a glimpse she let you see. brain teasing the non compliant face of the truth. eyes staring like a gun down your throat, hiding from only fear you let fracture your frail control. brittle and bruised even the tips of your fingers don't remember how love felt. your repulsive collective. always painting pictures, all the stems and synapses signaling the loss. is that okay? picking scabs at open wounds, flesh for flesh. she was a vague memory, he could feel the thought of her eyes creeping up the nape of his neck. stuttering his heart into a motionless abbreviation of living. the embers she entrenched his consciousness in. always an intrigue, a circumvent repeating of  his revitalized figment of life to be known nothing of the impeccable motion. climbing down the stairs from the warmth of a room with a creaking door, and the temporary numbered days you built so endlessly. every misplaced object that made his brain function was one of the only reason why he's so disassociated with the myth of reality. forever finding the ways to outlive his friends and family by being that of the only reason he rests in between days. the warm frames, the phosphorescent eyes collective of every minor detail in the fiber of your soul. to intertwine, then rip the seams. reflective skin transparent, translucent. beguiling the chemical imbalances of your veins. pumping the life into your well being. contentious the sequences of the flickering. the way wood soaks up liquid, leaving a dry puddle untraceable by those who play silent. come down from there. additive addictive, painting the pictures. abnormal, the remainder of the thrills.
I'll be alright.

it's the distance.

Undertow.

Would have been 11 months today. I wanted to make it so special. And now I don't even know when I'll hear from you next. This time last year I already had my eyes on you. I'd leave for Philadelphia This week. And when I came home, I'd have you. My insomnia's getting worse. I can't seem to function anymore. It's just my fucking luck. Au revoir mon chat.

The first time..

He checked his watch. 9:22 the numbers seemed to taunt his ever present awareness of awakeness.. He buries his heavy eyes into his folded arms staring at the individual fibers of his cotton shirt. Every little thread keeping the shape and structure of his garment. How fickle this shirt would be with the slightest tear at one seam.  On verge of collapse. Recalling the face of his once dynamic and amorous inspiration. It was more than what he intended. The strain of her eyes against his own. Showing his stress, concerned and yet reluctant. With a sense of hopelessness only further reinforced by her lack of anything less than a quiver of acknowledgement to his hand caressing her palm.  He sat there tired eyes, Weary minded, trying to say the words that he knows he posses. But fails and her concerned eyes only seem to turn turgent, ignorant to the love he's ready to give, blind and drought with the pain he selfishly bestowed on her poor soul. The white flag stained with the war she fought. What the fuck are you doing J. That's you're girl. You're woman! The one you grow old with. The one you drop a knee to. You come home to her. You protect her. You keep her by your side always. You die an old man in her arms.  And she lay every night in your eyes, in your arms. And you know... You know it was her. You were afraid. You took it for granted. You expected too much. And what you gave wasn't what she needs.  I let her down. I broke her. I came too late. You inhale the regret, you exhale the despair. Nothing. Your chest heaved in emptiness. Your fingertips smudged with ash and smell like short lived void.... Don't be like your father. Be the figure you never had. Take care of her like she's the only one left.... Don't mess this one up.. And if it's too late. Don't ever forget. Dont watch her leave. Kill the anger. The pride. Let her leave, let her take that part of you with her. And move on. Closer towards your greatest fear... The inevitable.. Day by day. Wait.. It's what you've done for too long. But its all you know how.. Switch off. Fake it. Get by. Don't let them kill you off. See where it goes. Just try to live. Whether right or always wrong.  And now.. Even still. I just can't let you go.

Welcomed ghosts.

Is this it? The eviscerate convulsion of our self containing uninterpreted lives slowly lived in the trenches of our unconsumed furies and discontent... Apprehensive of the choices we've burned under our buried malicious fortune of the traps we've set to capture and enslave our own guilty consciousness from fighting with our dying bodies. Imputative of our prospect, we felt the perpetual force of the unfailing never to be seen open ended bane callous mouths. Protruding into our bloodstream the very ache of the treacherous black we've stained our. Visible monsters into an unsubtle fringe of awe inspiring guilt. Tearing pages from our subconscious manifesto. Chronologically depleting any sense of the right decision ever being made to create anything more than a cold cartel showing nothing but the facetious truth of really breathing to live life worthless.  Essentially it's useless to reflect on what's come since then. Only finding your intrinsic gleam fading in the harsh shade of every life you've lived before this one. Submitting to the succumbed grit. What's thrown is what's caught between grinding,teething, almost blood stained... If it were any consolation. I wasn't sure either.

onslaught

experience, the loquacious veracity. all combining the entirety of this eviscerate forward, growing, the persistence, the ramble, the perchance holocaust, frenzy, stolen, if we're running from the fallacies of our very nature by our very nature we're discombobulated in the invictus of it. visceral days set upon the forgetting of the time line we've begun. you purchased the chaffed outer formality of your growing fears of becoming the intrinsic population. quivering to the back burned excretion of your once gallant pride. savoring the moments of technique in which you soulfully endowed upon. promises, feeling as though they've befell a suture, seams seeminglessley encompassing your attempts. wasted? the face of it structured over your homelessness creating a haven for growing pains, the giving arms and hearts of the faces we try to reenact in the horde of impulses based on false false preemptive actions strewn across the twitching fingers and heavy souls we've begun to let break our bones into dust. elsewhere, your once asphyxiated eyes. promising those fickle words you never wish you'd heard. and yet this time it was supposed to be your time to keep. your prize set upon your shoulders like valor. recognition. bruised knees bruised hearts. bloody knuckles. if only. for once, sleep seems so terrorizing..

you don't want to forget what you need to say..