morning session... turn of the hourglass.

and on this morning.

theres peace.

The gentle breeze slowly swaying the leaves as it whispers through the nape of my neck.

Beams of the Sun cast through the vines creating arrays of illuminating patterns.

The sound of nature, like echoes and whispers all in harmonious ambiance.

And I, a man with no plan. how misleading.

But nevertheless I will extol this canonization.

Sometimes Always,

J.

A rip in the sail & sea shell tales..

Shift the voids in my mind and give me reasoning.
I feel So null,so distracted. How can I explain this.
So much momentum built only to lack direction. There's so much weight in my thoughts. Oh, all of this Slumberless sleeplessness, and dreams that haunt me and misguide me.

Oh tired mind....

What am I doing to you? Your losing your touch. Entangled by my hopeless thoughts. My ungrateful emotion. My immense struggles. It's such a hazardous conception. And no relief for the death of me. If I could rationalize this I would. And I would be the man I know I am. But such fog that encompasses the water.

The lighthouses look like fireflies...

And it's difficult to understand..
And it's been hard to distract myself from thoughts of you.
And it's been "two" long...
Catch my drift as I let my ship sink.
Capsize me....., and fill my wounds with the cleansing salt of sea.
And for all you put up with, I hardly can believe it. But some times life can be unbelievable.
And I'm glad to have a similar mind that worries for my own..
after all what's a captain without the will, the heart, and the mindset of the nautical life.

Rave on. rolling sea.
Port to starboard.
mend the sails..

Sometimes always,
-J

Father...

I'm sorry... I know we're not. well healthy or functional. but I love you, sometimes I get the best of myself.
so this is to you though you'll never know.

temporal..

I dream, I wish,
I ponder, I perceive.
I think, I ask,
I wonder, I believe.

meandering...

and the changes we face. like letting go of things you feel you need.

so desperate to brush the lips of grace. so inept in your conception.

the calm. the silence.

it kills me.

Oh sandman...

PLEASE FIND ME.
relieve of my restlessness.
I wont sleep without your grains of sieving sands.
sprinkle my eyes and entice me with the heaviness of slumber.
And let me in my dreams.
Oh selfish sand man.
share your granules.
bring me my repose.
and give to me my siesta.

the fire is out.. the wolves are hungry.

My mind is a street. That the sweepers don’t sweep. where the sleepers don’t sleep. And the wind howls so sweet. And they blacken their feet. And they feel such defeat. And all the streetlights are dimmed. And the rain just don't wash clean.

so unravel oh reckless mind.
what in this asperity will you find.
what is there to revel through?

just in need of an escape.
an exit plan so you will.
I'm torn in two so it seems.
between reality and my dreams
and where they rendezvous in my shaking mind.
leaving me unable to unwind.
too much left to do these days.
I'm overwhelmed, but not quite dismayed.
Let the change come.
Let the strangers become my acquaintances. let there unfamiliar faces become habitual.
so here's to the past. and here's to the present.
and tomorrow the future.
may he who created me know my path. the twist the turns the love the wrath. the envy. the jealousy. the patience. the giving. the regret. the doubt. the needs for my living.
provide for me a lighthouse beacon, to keep me from the wolves a creeping.
in and out of those shadows. oh God. just keep me in your willingness until I leave as dust.
put the right people there, give me the faith to trust. bring me down if you must.
He is greater than I.

and in all things. keep me. for my sake.


and this makes the least bit of sense.

Sometime & Always,

J.

today.

was one of those hardly extravagant ones.
and yet its been a fine one.
its easy to overlook the little things.
But prelevance can be a getaway from the jet life therefore,
I settled down today. took some time to write, to think.
spent some time with those who push my buttons.
it can be a good thing.

I went to 7/11 at 7:11.
I found it quite the coincidence.
I feel like starting Monday things are going to fall through, either into place or into some kind of disaster whether it be beautiful or cataclysmic.
I'm hoping for a beautiful cataclysm.

I've yet to known how to say goodbye to you summer.
so I'll put it off a while.

under these circumstances I've learned to let go. I'm a jealous and selfish man sometimes.
but a man nonetheless. I'll bear it all.
All things aside, here's to pointless rants and days like these.

sometimes,always

J.

Captains log... mates & estates.

I woke this morning.
set a sail a voyage marked with troubled waters. Why I choose to sail in storm is beyond me.
but if I were to go ashore, That troubled sea would stray from me and I just wouldn't settle for the life of a land lover.

Nautical aside...

This morning I spent close to the lake as well as the sea and enjoyed both of there company.
just to be there.
I can't imagine whom else would share it with me.
a cat with flailing legs was the hype of your excitement.
I wanted so much to retrieve him for you.
you seemed so happy in that morning light.
the weight of your smile this morning, nearly sunk my ship.
and if it had I'd settle for being a castaway. knowing you put me there..

so it's an odd relationship between captain and sea. one isn't the same without the other.
The captain remains unscathed by stormy sea, knowing that it may just calm again. so he stands on his deck unsure how long he's been from shore. when will he follow the light house port and anchor ashore to a more realistic life on land.

thoughts bring him into contemplation..
But.. This captain is nothing without the sea. and if his ship will withstand then he'll never find land....
sometimes he remembers the sand...
but as he looks in his hand, he eyes his compass.
anchor up. set sail.

oh captain. who do you cry to?

So mark down these days. and rewrite those pages. we aren't a tall tale. this is nonfiction.

captains log.. marooned

I dont know how to let go.
I'm not even sure want to.
those eyes, those dimples, those arms, that hair.
And all those times bear to bear.
Why circumstances are in such ways. why your reasons keep you.
why we create such distance. but come so close when together.
why I love you. why I cant help it.
why I try. why I'd die just to understand.
why you and I have to agree on things. and have things in common.
why I have to be so comfortable.
why I want to take care of you.
why I miss your home.
why I miss it all.
why.
why you?
where do we go?
here we go again love.
It shouldn't be this way.

another horrible blog. I cant stand not being able to express this in words. I need to rationalize my mind better next time.
nonetheless, this isn't here to impress anyone.