Your words, over and over again... Letting every little detail, and niche affixiate in the confines of my mind. Sinking my soul to the utterly confused man I’ve become since you left.
Or maybe the man I’ve always been when It came to you.
Cara mia, you’re the only girl that held my attention without any ounce of doubt in my mind. The only one who can sway my conscience into such disparity to where my words fall short of my voice. The only one whom I’ve openly let tear down the walls I separate myself from anyone else but Christ. I didn’t want to change you, I feel like I hardly even changed you. You’re too strong willed and hard headed. Nonetheless we shared moments that fear I will never find in anyone else, but I won’t hold others accountable to it. It’s just, you’re right.I hold your words as true. Maybe ripping the pages bitterly but the print stays on my hands and just doesn’t wash off. I can’t be content in coexisting in some less involved fashion. My Pride refuses to be platonic. my mind refuses to reach out to you. My heart longs to exchange our words. To find you in the morning under tall trees sitting on concrete squares out by the water. A bench the reiterates my mind every time I see it. My own god damn car, and the passenger seat that only you decided to sit backwards in. on and on and closer we became. I’m sorry I ever got violent, but I’d never have raised my hand at you.
We’ll find each other again maybe when we’re both finally happy; or maybe when we end up digging our way of the same hole. Nonetheless, I still can’t wrap my mind around it, why my mind and my heart slaughter each other in efforts to let go, or to hold you closer. I’m sorry. I really wish I could have been better about this. But I’ll never be sure when it comes to you, and I think I’ve accepted that. Happy New Year baby girl. Always keep that smile. And take care of yourself. I’ll keep the coffee on and we’ll catch up.
-J
No comments:
Post a Comment