captains log...Man Overboard.

and on this day.
I can't seem to pick myself up.

restless, with dreams that break the patterns of slumber. so unfit.
you slept on the floor last night. why?
What in my mind is creating such void and discomfort?..
The morning brought the weight of the world, and feeling so heavy hearted so defeated by my own conscience, by my own transgressions.

and today new weather. Beautiful weather.
hardly a chance to admire it.
and as the sky flashed bright, I wanted escape.
I want so much to leave to experience something new, something that will put me at peace.
and as the sky poured out its accumulated weight, I did dwell in my swelling mind.
we speak in such different voices. we're all liars and deceivers.
Oh negativity I've never been so inept in you.
why?
I'm fighting to find a better mood.

then,
with the eyes of a Four year old girl.
Emily you brought such peace for the meager time I watched you.
just know you were the glimpse of joy that I did find.

but oh these days. I haven't missed them.
When you just cant keep it in.
when its all downhill.
and I want to be the stronger man. the one who bears it all.
But not today. I'm on level ground. This my reality...
you steal all my strength oh world.

and you.

Oh sea, I can feel the salty breath of your winds.
You seem so distant.
but I'm so foolishly reluctant.
I have so much to say.
But I can't. not without you here.
and the weight of your heart. let it pull me into the depths.
I only want to be with you. in nothingness.
save me.
I love you so..

and this wont make sense.
I already know.

pull yourself together.

Sometimes never,
-J